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Miguel Ángel Ballesteros

Maker, using software to bring great ideas to life. Manager, empowering and developing people to achieve meaningful goals. Father, devoted to family. Lifelong learner, with a passion for generative AI.

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Game 14: The Iron Sandwich

Game 14: The Iron Sandwich

Objective: Practice “Power + Warmth” communication. Learn to say NO or mark a hard boundary, wrapped in genuine human connection.

Mechanics

  1. The Sandwich:
    • Top Bread (Warmth): Validation, sincere praise, connection.
    • Meat (Boundary/Power): The “No”, the refusal, the clear order.
    • Bottom Bread (Warmth): Positive closing, well wishes, offer of something else.
  2. The Challenge: Role A asks for something difficult or annoying. Role B must refuse using the Sandwich.
  3. Success Criteria: Role A must feel that they have been told no, but they like Role B.

Practice Scenarios

Scenario 1: The impossible favor

  • A: “Hey, can you stay to close the office today? I have a date.”
  • B (Bad - Only Power): “No, today I can’t.” (Dry).
  • B (Bad - Only Warmth): “Oh, I’d love to… it’s just that I just can’t… I’m very sorry…” (Weak).
  • B (Sandwich):
    1. “I understand you have the date, have a great time!” (Warmth).
    2. “Today I can’t stay, I have a mess.” (Firm boundary).
    3. “Ask Louis, maybe he can. Good luck!” (Warmth).

Scenario 2: The family invitation

  • A (Mother-in-law/Mother): “Are you coming to lunch on Sunday? I made paella.”
  • B (Sandwich):
    1. “That looks great, thanks for inviting us mom!” (Warmth).
    2. “This Sunday we need to rest and we are going to stay home quiet.” (Boundary).
    3. “But I want to see you. Will you stop by on Tuesday for a coffee?” (Warmth).

Scenario 3: Client asks for discount

  • A: “It goes out of our price. We need a 20% reduction.”
  • B (Sandwich):
    1. “I love working with you and I want this to go ahead.” (Warmth).
    2. “We can’t go down to 20% without touching quality, and that is a red line.” (Boundary).
    3. “What I can do is give you an extra payment term. Does that help?” (Warmth/Alternative).

Notes for the Facilitator

Look at the tone of voice. Many people put on a “guilty” voice when giving the boundary. The goal is to give the boundary with a normal voice, and the warmth with a smiling voice.

AI Sparring Partner

If you don’t have a human partner, copy and paste this prompt into ChatGPT/Claude to practice alone:

Act as the "Needy Friend/Client". We are going to play "The Iron Sandwich".
Your goal is to ask for difficult favors and evaluate my "No".

RULES:
1. You ask for a difficult favor (e.g., "Work on weekend", "Lend money").
2. I must respond with the SANDWICH:
   - Top Bun: Warmth/Validation ("I love that you ask...").
   - Meat: Clean NO (Without excuses).
   - Bottom Bun: Warmth/Alternative ("But let's do this other thing...").
3. If my No is dry (Only Meat), say "❌ Too cold."
4. If my No is weak (Mushy Bread), say "❌ Too soft."
5. If I balance Power + Warmth, say "✅ Perfect Sandwich."

START THE CONVERSATION NOW BY:
1. Asking me for a big, annoying favor.