2.2 Framing Questions: Leading from Doubt

Learning Objective: Learn to use strategic questions to define the purpose of an interaction and force others to operate under your frame of reference.

Story

Creative meeting. The team discusses the logo color. They’ve been at it for 20 minutes with subjective tastes (“I like blue”, “well I like red”). There is no criterion.

Mike doesn’t give an opinion on colors. He raises his hand and launches what seems like an innocent doubt:

—Excuse me, a quick question to orient myself. [Framing Question:] What is the main goal of this change: to modernize the brand or improve legibility on mobile?

The team stops. The “blue vs red” debate dies instantly. —Well, legibility —says the boss—. Clearly.

—Understood —Mike continues—. Then, [Logical Consequence:] which color gives us better contrast on small screens?

—Dark blue —says the designer.

—Well, it seems we have a winner.

Mike hasn’t chosen blue. He has chosen the criterion (legibility). By defining the frame, the answer has fallen by its own weight. He has led without giving a single order.

Deep Explanation

Frame Control is the most powerful social skill that exists. The “frame” is the lens through which we interpret reality. In the story, the initial frame was “Personal Tastes” (an ungovernable frame). Mike replaces it with the “Technical Efficiency” frame.

The best tool to impose a frame is not an affirmation (“we have to look at legibility!”), which can generate resistance (“don’t boss me around!”). It is a question. Questions are Trojan horses. To answer your question, the other’s brain must accept the implicit premises in it.

• If I ask: “Why are you always late?”, the frame is “You are unpunctual and you have to justify yourself”.
• If I ask: “What can we change so you arrive on time?”, the frame is “We are a team solving a logistical problem”.

Framing Questions bring the implicit to the explicit. “What is the goal here?” is the queen question. It forces the defining of the playing field. Whoever defines the rules of the game wins.

Synthesis of Key Ideas

• Whoever asks, directs: In an interaction, the person asking the questions is extracting value and directing attention. The person answering is working for the other.
• The Illusion of Choice: By asking “Do you prefer A or B?”, you frame reality in those two options, making them forget that perhaps C exists.
• Focus on Goal: Faced with dispersion, the question “How does this help [Goal]?” acts like a laser that cuts the fat.

Practical Examples

1. The Undecided / Complaining Client

• Situation: The client goes in circles, asks for contradictory changes, is not happy with anything.
• Action: Ask for priority.
• Phrase: “I understand the nuances. [Question:] Of all these things, which is the only one that, if we fix it today, would make this project a success for you?”
• Why it works: You force them to prioritize. You exit the “everything is wrong” frame to the “let’s fix the vital” frame.

2. The “Who is right” Conflict

• Situation: Domestic argument about who left the light on. Blame loop.
• Action: Change the frame from Guilt to Solution.
• Phrase: “Wait. [Question:] Do we want to find a culprit or do we want to ensure we pay less for electricity next month?”
• Why it works: You make the search for culprits seem childish and inefficient. No one wants to say “I prefer to look for a culprit”, so they accept your solution frame.

3. Salary Negotiation

• Situation: Your boss says there is no budget for raises.
• Action: Ask for the conditions of possibility.
• Phrase: “I understand the current restriction. [Question:] What results would the company have to see in the next 6 months for a 10% raise to be an obvious investment and not a cost?”
• Why it works: You don’t accept the “No”. You ask for the “recipe for Yes”. You frame your raise as an “investment”, not a “cost”.

Signs of Progress

1. You detect the invisible frame:
   • Do you realize when someone is assuming false things? (“When are you going to settle down?” -> Assumes you aren’t settled down now).
2. You don’t answer automatically:
   • Do you answer a question with another question? Faced with a trap question, you don’t justify yourself. You question the premise.
3. Group clarity:
   • Do your questions unclog meetings? People start looking at you when they get lost, expecting your “compass question”.

Common Mistakes

• Answering the Trap Question
  • It looks like this: “Why are you so messy?” -> “It’s just that I didn’t have time…” (Error: you have accepted that you are messy).
  • Alternative: “What do you mean by messy? I see my desk as operational.” (Questioning the label).
• Aggressive Rhetorical Questions
  • It looks like this: “Are you stupid or what?”
  • Result: War. That is not Frame Control, it is an insult.
  • Alternative: Genuine process questions. “What led you to take that decision?”
• Losing the Thread after Asking
  • It looks like this: You ask for the goal, they answer, and you do nothing with the answer.
  • Alternative: Use the answer to close. “If the goal is X, then let’s do Y.”

Conclusions

Your power does not lie in having all the answers, but in asking the best questions. A good question can turn a huge ship (a company, a family) with a small movement of the rudder. Stop trying to “convince” with arguments and start “framing” with strategic curiosity.

Deliberate Practice

• Card: Game 3: Lightning Re-frame.
• Why it helps: Practice with a partner. They throw an accusation at you (“You are selfish”). You have to answer with a question that changes the frame (“Does taking care of my needs make me selfish or responsible?”).

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