2.3 Asking for Time Without Losing Status

Learning Objective: Learn to postpone a decision or response when you are not ready, maintaining your authority and avoiding being pressured into accepting disadvantageous agreements.

Story

A supplier pressures Mike by phone: “It’s an exclusive offer, but I need the OK right now or we lose the 20% discount”. The classic urgency technique.

Mike feels the pressure in his stomach. He knows that if he decides now, he will be wrong. But he doesn’t want to seem indecisive.

—I understand the discount is important —says Mike with a calm voice, qualifying—. However, my policy is not to close contracts over the phone.

—But Mike, the deadline is ending! —insists the salesperson.

—[Request Time:] I know. I propose this: send me the details via email. I take 10 minutes to review it calmly and I answer you before 12:00 with a definitive Yes or No.

—It’s just that…

—[Broken Record:] It is the only way I can give you the OK. Send it and in 10 minutes you have an answer.

Mike didn’t say “sorry”, nor did he say “I don’t know”. He said “I need to review”. He transformed his indecision into due diligence (a high-status trait).

Deep Explanation

One of the most common power plays is False Urgency. Manipulative salespeople, bosses, or relatives try to speed up your decision-making because they know that, with haste, your logical brain shuts down and you decide by emotion (fear of losing the opportunity or desire to please).

Falling into urgency is low status (reactivity). Stopping urgency is high status (control).

The problem is how to ask for time without looking stupid or slow. The key is in the framing:

• Weak Frame: “Oh, I don’t know, I’m busy, let me see…” (You sound overwhelmed).
• Strong Frame: “I want to give this the attention it deserves. I review it and get back to you.” (You sound professional and responsible).

The structure Mike uses is:

1. Validate: “I understand the rush”.
2. Impose Process: “My policy is…” (Having personal policies projects a lot of authority).
3. Specific Commitment: “I return in 10 minutes / tomorrow”. This eliminates the other’s fear that you are giving them the runaround indefinitely.

Synthesis of Key Ideas

• Buying Time: Never negotiate when you are hungry, sleepy, in a hurry, or angry. Time is your best ally to recover rationality.
• The Broken Record: If they insist, repeat your request for time with the same words, without getting angry and without adding new justifications.
• Personal Policy: Phrases like “I never decide in the heat of the moment” or “I consult everything with my pillow/partner” externalize the refusal. It’s not that you don’t want to answer, it’s that your rule prevents you.

Practical Examples

1. The Boss who asks for an impossible “for right now”

• Situation: “I need this report within an hour.”
• Action: Do not say yes (impossible) or no (refusal). Ask for time to evaluate.
• Phrase: “Give me 5 minutes to see what I have on the table and I tell you what is realistic to deliver today and what isn’t.”
• Why it works: “Give me 5 minutes” demonstrates that you take the request seriously, but gives you control to re-negotiate from data, not from panic.

2. The Unexpected Social Invitation

• Situation: “Are you coming this weekend to the rural house? We have to book now.”
• Action: Don’t feel obliged.
• Phrase: “Sounds great. [Brake] I have to check my family schedule before committing. I confirm to you tomorrow morning without fail.”
• Why it works: You protect your time. If you say yes fast and then regret it, you look worse (unreliable). If you say “I tell you tomorrow” and comply, you look like a gentleman.

3. Price Negotiation

• Situation: “How much do you charge for this? Give it to me cheap.”
• Action: Never give a price on the spot if you are not sure.
• Phrase: “It’s an interesting project. To give you a fair price I need to crunch a few numbers. [Closing] I pass you the quote this afternoon.”
• Why it works: Giving a price off the cuff makes you look like a flea market. Calculating it makes you look like a consultancy.

Signs of Progress

1. Automatic Stop:
   • Is your first reaction to pressure “Wait”? You have deactivated the “knee-jerk obedience” spring. Your body already knows it doesn’t have to obey instantly.
2. Deadlines met:
   • When you say “I return in 10 min”, do you return in 10 min? This is vital. If you ask for time and don’t comply, you are a procrastinator. If you comply, you are a leader.
3. Less Regret:
   • Do you take better decisions? By cooling down emotions, you realize that “incredible offer” wasn’t that great. You save yourself trouble.

Common Mistakes

• The “I don’t know” (Insecurity)
  • It looks like this: “Puff, I don’t know man, it’s just that…”
  • Alternative: “Let me think about it.” (Firmness).
• Asking Permission to Think
  • It looks like this: “Do you mind if I tell you later?”
  • Alternative: Inform. “I tell you later.”
• Using Time to Flee (Ghosting)
  • It looks like this: You say “I tell you something” with the intention of never answering again.
  • Result: Total loss of respect.
  • Alternative: If it is No, say it now. “I’m not interested, thanks.” Use time only if it is a “Maybe”.

Conclusions

Haste is a form of mild psychological violence. By refusing to run, you are setting a boundary of dignity. Remember: you own your “Yes” and your “No”. Giving it away cheap under pressure devalues your word. Take your time; it is yours.

Deliberate Practice

• Card: Game: No + Alternative (Time Variant).
• Why it helps: When someone asks you for a small favor (e.g. “pass me the salt?”), train the micro-delay. “Sure, give me a second”. Finish chewing or drinking, and then pass it. Break the automatism of immediate servitude.

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