2.7 Note and Neutralize the “Ear Tap”: Dominance Gestures

Learning Objective: Identify and neutralize subtle physical dominance gestures (like touching you, interrupting with gestures, or the “ear tap”) to maintain your autonomy without creating a scene.

Story

Mike is talking to a veteran colleague, Robert. While Mike explains his idea, Robert stretches out his hand and gives him a few condescending taps on the arm (“patting”). Then, he makes a gesture of touching his ear (Ear Tap) and says: “Listen, listen, kid, I’m going to explain to you how this goes”.

It is a physical power play. Robert is treating him like a child or a subordinate. He invades his space and silences his voice.

Mike doesn’t move away abruptly, which would denote fear. First, he executes [Physical Neutralization]: gently but firmly, he lifts his own hand and removes Robert’s from his arm while taking a step sideways to break contact.

Robert has insisted with the gesture of touching his ear, saying “listen, kid”. Mike ignores the implicit order to shut up. He maintains eye contact —serious, without the compliant smile from before— and responds with a deep voice: —[Verbal Neutralization]: I hear you, Robert. Tell me your point.

By verbalizing “I hear you” with an adult tone, Mike rejects the “student” frame and establishes a “peer” frame.

Deep Explanation

The Ear Tap (touching the ear or gesturing “listen”) is a classic “Power Move” described by TPM. It is a dominance gesture that says: “What you speak does not matter, what I say is the truth; open your ears”. Other similar gestures are:

• Patting: Slaps on the back or shoulder (if there is no trust). They say: “Well done, boy”. They frame you as a subordinate.
• Index Finger in the Face: Direct aggression.
• Occupying your Desk: Putting their things in your zone.

The key to neutralize this is: Do Not Validate. If someone pats you and you smile, you accept the subordinate role. If someone orders you to shut up (gesture) and you shut up looking at the floor, you obey.

The high-power response is Immunity.

1. Break contact: If they touch you without permission and you don’t like it, withdraw or remove their hand. It is your body.
2. Ignore the gestural order: If they give you the “shhh” or the “ear tap”, keep talking or say “I finish the sentence and we go with you”.
3. Meta-comment (if they insist): “I prefer you don’t touch my shoulder while we talk”. Said calmly, it is devastating for the “bully”.

Synthesis of Key Ideas

• The “Ear Tap”: Signal of arrogance. Whoever does it believes they have the monopoly on truth. Don’t get angry, but don’t submit.
• Touching without permission: It is a way of marking territory. In the animal kingdom, the dominant touches the subordinate, not the other way around. Recover your corporal sovereignty.
• Proportional Response: Use the minimum necessary force. A step back is better than a shove. A serious look is better than an insult.

Practical Examples

1. The “Friend” who grabs your neck/shoulder

• Situation: Someone puts their arm over your shoulder in a heavy and dominant way.
• Action: Soft escape maneuver + Look.
• Phrase: (Turn the body so their arm falls). Look them in the eyes. Smile less. “Tell me, what you were saying?”
• Why it works: You get the arm off “accidentally” (by turning), but the non-verbal message is clear: “Don’t hold me”.

2. The “Shut up” Gesture (Raised palm)

• Situation: You are talking and they put their hand in your face (“Talk to the hand” or stop).
• Action: Move the hand away visually or verbally.
• Phrase: “Don’t put your hand on me, please. Let me finish.”
• Why it works: You put a physical limit to their bad manners. It is a legitimate defense of your status.

3. The Desk Invader

• Situation: A colleague sits at your table or puts his papers on your laptop.
• Action: Territoriality.
• Phrase: (Move his papers gently towards him). “Excuse me, you were covering my screen. Tell me.”
• Why it works: You recover your territory. If you don’t do it, his “colonization” will advance.

Signs of Progress

1. Territorial sovereignty:
   • Is your body yours? You no longer allow anyone to invade your bubble without your explicit permission. You feel entitled to say “back”.
2. Clinical eye:
   • Do you see the tricks? Before you thought that guy was “very nice” for patting you. Now you see that maybe he is trying to be above. Seeing the Matrix allows you to dodge bullets.
3. Calm reaction:
   • You don’t jump? Faced with a dominant gesture, you don’t return a punch. You simply readjust and continue. Your status is immovable.

Common Mistakes

• Nervous Laughter when being Touched
  • It looks like this: They give you a “joking” slap on the neck and you laugh “haha”.
  • Result: You have said “you can hit me”.
  • Alternative: Serious face. “What are you doing?”. Silence.
• Physical Escalation
  • It looks like this: He pushes you, you push him. Bar fight. Low class.
  • Alternative: Verbalize. “Don’t touch me”.
• Freezing
  • It looks like this: It makes you uncomfortable but you do nothing.
  • Alternative: Move. A step back is a power action (you choose where to be).

Conclusions

Physical power games are primitive, but they happen daily in offices and bars. You don’t need to be a martial arts expert, you just need to be clear where the air ends and where you begin. Your skin is the border of your kingdom. Defend it with courtesy but with iron.

Deliberate Practice

• Card: Game 11: Touching Is Not Free.
• Why it helps: Role-play with someone you trust. Let them touch your shoulder, head, arm. Practice different ways to withdraw or remove their hand without being aggressive, just firm. Look for the minimum effective movement.

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