4.1 Play Detector: Scoring the Game

Learning Objective: Learn to read social interactions as a “match” to detect manipulative tactics in real-time and not take it personally.

Story

Project meeting. Andrew, a competitive colleague, starts deploying his arsenal to destabilize. First, he interrupts Mike mid-sentence: “Yes, but let me…”. Then, when Mike tries to pick up the thread, Andrew looks at his mobile ostensibly. Finally, he lets out a mocking laugh:

—That idea is very… “creative”, Mike.

Mike doesn’t get angry or make himself small. In his mind, he turns on the [Play Detector]. He doesn’t see personal attacks, he sees points on a tactical scoreboard. “Interruption… +1 point of aggression.” “Looking at mobile… +1 point of contempt.”

By labeling it, the pain disappears. Mike decides to play. —[Brake]: Wait, Andrew, I haven’t finished —he says with flat calm—. And regarding “creative”… [Clarification Question]: do you mean it is risky or that you don’t see it as viable?

Andrew hesitates, surprised by the lack of emotional reaction. —Well, that it’s weird… —he mutters.

Mike smiles internally. He has neutralized three attacks without raising his pulse.

Deep Explanation

The first step to defending yourself is seeing the attack. Many status attacks go unnoticed consciously, but your body notices them (stomach tightens, you blush). That is because your reptilian brain detects the threat but your neocortex doesn’t know how to name it.

The Play Detector consists of mentally labeling what is happening.

• Ad Hominem: Attacking the person, not the argument.
• Straw Man: Distorting what you said to attack it easily.
• Gaslighting: Denying your reality (“you are making it up”).
• Triangulation: Bringing in a third party to pressure you.

When you label (“Ah, this is a Straw Man”), you recover control. You go from victim to observer. And an observer can choose the best response.

Synthesis of Key Ideas

• Social Gamification: Viewing life as a power game is not cynical, it is liberating. It allows you to play better without suffering as much.
• Emotional Dissociation: By analyzing the other’s technique, you forget to feel offended. Your brain goes from “feeling mode” to “thinking mode”.
• Know your enemy: Manipulative people repeat patterns. If you detect their favorite play, you can anticipate it.

Practical Examples

1. The Infinite “But”

• Play: You say something and the other says “Yes, but…” constantly to be on top.
• Label: “Intellectual Superiority Game”.
• Counter: “I see you have many buts. What is your concrete proposal?”

2. The Praise with a Stab

• Play: “For being new, you haven’t done badly”.
• Label: “Backhanded compliment”.
• Counter: “Thanks. Experience helps.” (You ignore the stab, accept the praise).

3. False Urgency

• Play: “Sign here now, there is no time”.
• Label: “False Urgency”.
• Counter: “If there is no time to read, there is no signature”.

Signs of Progress

1. Internal smile:
   • Do you laugh inside? When you see someone trying a crude manipulation, it amuses you. “Look, he’s trying a Love Bombing”.
2. Reaction time:
   • Do you answer sooner? Before it took you two days to realize (“he insulted me!”). Now you see it in the second.
3. Less drama:
   • Do you get less upset? You understand that people play their cards for their own traumas/ambitions, not because of you.

Common Mistakes

• Saying the label out loud (Pedantic)
  • It looks like this: “Ah, you are Gaslighting me!”
  • Result: You look like a sofa psychologist. It is off-putting.
  • Alternative: Use it for yourself. Aloud say: “I don’t remember that happening like that”.
• Seeing ghosts
  • It looks like this: Thinking everything is an attack.
  • Alternative: Hanlon’s Razor. “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity”. Sometimes people are clumsy, not bad.

Conclusions

Welcome to Matrix. Now you see the code falling. You can’t “un-see” it. Use this vision to protect yourself and yours, not to become paranoid. The goal of detecting the game is to be able to play fair and win.

Deliberate Practice

• Card: Game 7: Video Detector (Analyzing videos of politicians/celebrities is great practice).
• Challenge: Watch a political debate on TV. Count how many times they interrupt each other and how many logical fallacies they use. It is the perfect gym.

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